From the TALKING ARM DOT COM archives

[HMD]

[Ed's note: I found this while checking out the archives of my soon to be dead website, talkingarm.com. In retrospect, it's a pretty funny story, if only because it was an intentional attempt at the worst story I have ever written. Enjoy!]

It all began when Joey thought someone was cheating on his wife.

“Man, I think someone is cheating on my wife!” He said.

He was so angry, he wanted to break something or kill something or kill himself. But he was probably just going to pee himself, instead. But before he could do that…

A school bus crashed through his living room wall, completely obliterating his expensive television set! The driver was just some dumb motherfucker who had his fucking finger in his nose instead of on the steering wheel. Why I just narrated that I’ll never know; might be because you are stupid. Asshole.

After the dust settled, a middle-aged man with a baseball cap hiding his very obvious bald spot stepped off the bus. Goddamn what a stupid dumbass, thinking that nobody would see that thing all over his head. He’s probably the type of guy who’s never actually satisfied a woman before in his life. Oh, I’m sure he’s put his penis inside of a vagina and ejaculated after five minutes, but as far as mutually satisfying his parter; getting Mystery Fluid all over his probably tiny-ass ding-a-ling, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t. When you’re a tiny-dicked jerkoff who wears hats to hide the fact that you’re losing your hair, you’re obviously too busy being a little bitch to get a woman off. Douchebag.

“Alright ladies, we’re at the game!” the stupid fuck bellowed.

Since you’re fucking wasting my fucking time by making me continue this story instead of working on my masterpiece fanfiction: “Getting Animated In Metro City,” a slash fan-fiction featuring the coupling of Astro Boy and Erin E-Surance, I’ll tell you that a little league baseball team got off the bus. Two of the players were carrying a slug-like object in an old-fashioned bathtub. Oh, sorry, it turned out that the slug-like object was just a fat retarded girl. Anyways.

“We’re gonna beat the shit out of those Bayside-Seishun Dickheads!” the bald guy, who I guess is a coach of some sort, said. “Dickheads” was his stupid fucking play on the team’s real name, the Duckheads, because the guy who named the team was obviously off his rocker on fucking crack or some shit.

But instead of breaking out the sports equipment and Gatorade (which is from Florida, which means you’ll probably catch dysentery from drinking it), the little boys grabbed sponges and dish soap. After working their sponges into a fine lather, they began to bathe this retarded girl and I can’t tell if that’s bathwater or if she’s just fucking drooling all over herself and WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS GROSS. While they were bathing her, the team began to sing their team motto to anyone and no one in particular:

Aikawarazu dane Echizen Ryoma
Nan i do no takai TECH de shiai wo moriageru
Omae wa boku wo atsukusuru omae wa hito wo hikitsukeru
BEST TENSION BEST CONDITION
YOU ARE THE BEST
YOU ARE THE PRINCE OF TENNIS

While all of this stupid bullshit was going on, Joey went into his den and shot himself. Bitches ain’t shit, except for when some trick makes you kill yourself, it seems. Sucks for him, though, because his wife just walked into the room! Dick.

“Oh…God?” She asked. Who she is and why she didn’t seem so upset don’t really matter right now, as she immediately turned into a werewolf and wandered off. You are a dumb motherfucker. Besides, who cared about someone who seems like a complete cunt? Speaking of which, Mayor Mike Haggar strolled on in with his little two frame walking animation, clutching some stupid bitch named ______ ____ [Ed's note: Name removed to protect the innocent] in his giant sized mitts. Because this is my story and Jaclyn irritates the shit out of me at work and only gets away with it because I’m totally checking out her tight bod like all the motherfuckin’ time, Haggar pulled out his twenty-four inch python and clotheslined her in the asshole. And while his Mayoral Aid was still inside her, he picked her up and German Suplexed her through a table that just so happened to be there.

And that tables’ name?

Fuck you.

[bfg00]

Wow, that story was intense and hilarious.

[JG]

Gatorade (which is from Florida, which means you’ll probably catch dysentery from drinking it)

Ruh-roh.  Hyperguy lives in Florida.


Of course, there is the chance that, as a native Georgian, he despises all things Floridan.

[Hyperguy]

Sadly, the water is that bad.  I prefer living in Georgia over Orlando since there's less traffic, crime, and better weather.

It all began when Joey thought someone was cheating on his wife.

“Man, I think someone is cheating on my wife!” He said.

LOL

“Oh…God?” She asked. Who she is and why she didn’t seem so upset don’t really matter right now, as she immediately turned into a werewolf and wandered off. You are a dumb motherfucker. Besides, who cared about someone who seems like a complete cunt? Speaking of which, Mayor Mike Haggar strolled on in with his little two frame walking animation, clutching some stupid bitch named ______ ____ [Ed's note: Name removed to protect the innocent] in his giant sized mitts. Because this is my story and Jaclyn irritates the shit out of me at work and only gets away with it because I’m totally checking out her tight bod like all the motherfuckin’ time, Haggar pulled out his twenty-four inch python and clotheslined her in the asshole. And while his Mayoral Aid was still inside her, he picked her up and German Suplexed her through a table that just so happened to be there.

And that tables’ name?

Fuck you.

Awesome!

[MMX]

The driver was just some dumb motherfucker who had his fucking finger in his nose instead of on the steering wheel. Why I just narrated that I’ll never know; might be because you are stupid. Asshole.

I stopped reading after this point because I just know you can't get better than perfect, so it would all be downhill from that.

[Hyperguy]

Maybe it is because you are stupid!  Asshole!

[Moge]

How did this thread end up on the latest images?

[MMX]

Dr. Guy's leet coding skillz at work.

[Hyperguy]

I wish.  I bet it's the forum's cache going haywire.  It's a nice effect, but unintentional.  Maybe JG messed with it when no one was looking?

[MMX]

he's in your bbcode, raping your feeds

[JG]

Haven't touched it.  Remember, its always Hyperguy's fault when things go wrong around here.

[Hyperguy]

[MMX]

like when i should have pressed the rape button

thanks hyper boy.  tch.